How to Jealous... ?

In this post I would like to touch on jealousy. Yes, one kind of hatred that I once allowed it to grow within myself. My bad :/ This hatred was like a root of a plant. First of all, the akar kecik je then it goes deep into the ground and can no more be removed. Thats sounds bad too. This is all started when i was too eager to have everything that people have. Basically, i dont even realise when was it started. The part where i-wanted-to-have-everything tu, i guess the root of jealousy had already grow deep into this darkened-heart. Its so saddening when you have to admit that your heart is that dark. At some point i was really tired of myself. Tired of chasing what people have or might have. I was just sickened of myself being this bad. Yes, exactly i was tired of all these, yet i just let it happen. I didnt even stop myself from this jealousy disease. Not at all. I keep comparing myself with others. I had made my life as a race with people.These people have this new set of baju, i want it too. These people went to that picturesque place, im soooo going to that place too. Ohmai, these people posted a very nice picture on instagram, this cant be happening, i want it too.  People. Which i can explicitly put it as my friends. Even my very bestfriends whom i had once acknowledged them as my soulmates. Then, i realise this has to stop. This one kind realisation came up when i started to lose my friend. Physically we are with each other, all the time. But, deep inside each other's heart, we knew that we're growing apart. Ironically, growing apart. There're no more sharing between us. Sharing means trust. When you share things with people, it means that you give them trust. There're no more exploring between us. I once read that when you explore things with your friends it means that you're creating memories with them. I realise it's all happened when i was too jealous. I tend to compete with my friends.

'Jealousy is when you count on someone else's blessing instead of your own'. 
Yes, I had forgotten how lucky i am. How blessed i am. What do i have instead of donts. I forgot all those. I just let the root of jealousy to grow inside me. Pity myself for that. The moment i realised this hatred. The moment im stopping it, thing's changed. The friendship are no longer the same. People said that friendship is like a part time job. In this case, i lose my job. It's like macam kena pecat ah. Once you dah kena pecat, nak kerja balik mesti the feelings different right ? That's how i felt. Nevermind, this is part of life, life always keep changing. Even our very own beloved mother nature is also changing all the time. PErhaps, this is the time for me to let go. I am sad though. Yet, these all happened by the hatred that i once allowed it. If Allah wills, things will get better. Amin

There's a hadith from Prophet bpuh which i always remind myself, this time. 'Be acquainted with what Allah has appointed you with, and He will give more.' InsyaAllah.

Xoxo, mardhiyatun.