Once again, here she comes, mardhiyatun nisa ke dalam blog ini. Bila sedih je, bajet nak write something then publish it here. Im not sure what are the solid reasons bilamana sedih je nak come out with something and post it. Is it that i want the whole world to know that im sad ? or i want people to know how sad my journey is. Seriouslah. What kind of mindset lah yang i ada. Some changes need to be done here. Basically, semua orang pon ada cerita sedih. It just that they choose not to tell people about it *macam yang i selalu buat lol.
Okay, sebenarnya ada je journal sendiri. Tapi the feeling of typing tu macam syok pulk kan when youre in the state of sadness. My case, journal is meant for things like ; 'to achieve', 'happy day' or 'crush' and etc. Benda benda sedih not meant to be in the journal. Gitu. Nanti dah tua nak baca balik, nak baca benda happy je. yang sedih taknak, just want it to be disappear. sama macam this post, whenever dah datang 'akal'nya nanti, delete lah. harini, at the age of 21 years old and 24 days ni, i've decided few things yang boleh membawa kepada kesedihan which i taknak buat lagi dah. insyaallah.
Sambil diiringi bunyi piano.
One of the thing yang membawa kepada kesedihan adalah,
falling in love.
Woaah, cliche sangat. falling in love ni sangat meluas, nama pon love kan. the one yang i nak cerita bukan cinta pada alam sekitar, pada haiwan, kawan baik tu semua. Ini serious matter, cinta pada manusia. Manusia yang opposite gender tu ha. For this whole 21 years plus plus, ive fallen in love only twice. Errr, ignore the word 'only'. Okay, ive fallen in love for two times. Ya ampun, this love thingy, was really tiring. Mentally tiring, heart tiring, emotional-tiring. I have some other stuff kot nak buat instead of dealing with love ni. I dah wasted my few years dalam hidup ni dealing with this. Sampailah, i realise, i am not ready for this. Dari segi memasak mengemas rumah tu, takde hal, memang ready, dah level tiptop dah. Kalau kerja kat restaurant pon boleh dapat pangkat senior chef dah tahap pandai buat housechores ni. Bahahaha, puji diri sendiri. Okay, sambung balik. Im saying that im not ready for this stuff sebab, i cant cope well in love matter. my achievement in this ; 35 %. Markah biology i masa SPM pon lagi tinggi dari tu lah. Love matter yang misalnya seperti : having fight ? miscommunication ? rindu ? jealous ? making decision ?
Semua semua ni i cant. All these lead me to the state of beign broken hearted. Dah tak sampai hati nak biar hati ni penat dah. Katakanlah penat in the sense of gaduh dengan kawan, buat ibu sedih, or else, i can deal with it. insyaallah selagi allah beri kekuatan. but love, ya allah, penatnya benda alah ni. Senang cerita, tahap fed up macam 'ish, taknak kahwin lah macam ni, serabut. baik duk travel alone around the world lagi best' Tapi, tak boleh cakap camtu, buat lah masin pulak mulut bertuah ni. I would like to produce zuriat yang membawa kepada good generation for my agama dan negara jugak. .Besides, if i say it out loud, im so gonna kill by my ibu.
Enough lah pasal cinta ni.
Bosan,
I think i should stop reading buku buku novel cinta yang membawa kepada dunia berangan lah. Mungkin dah boleh baca buku buku ilmiah seperti 'H2O adalah gabungan hydrogen dan oxygen' ataupun 'KLIA is one of the most beautiful airport around the world' ataupun buku pasal keadaan dunia seperti 'social economic status of African'. Mungkin lah mungkin. I should do some workout for my brain. Asyik workout kat hati je kan. Dua dua workout barulah, selari seiringan dan boleh membuat keputusan dengan bijaksana lagi saksama. Amin.
Xoxo, mardhiyatun nisa.
'We think about our problems all the time, but we dont think about all the problems Allah saved us from' - Nouman Ali Khan
'If the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of doa.' - Ibn al Qayyim
No comments:
Post a Comment